Jennifers Body
"Notable actors"
- Megan Fox- Transformers 1&2, How to Lose Friends and Alienate People
- Amanda Seyfriend- Big Love, Mean Girls, Mama Mia
comedyhorror
Jennifers Body. I will admit that all the talk surrounding Megan Fox had me curious enough to see this film. I mean it was the talk of the town. Megan Fox finally in a lead role that actually requires acting. No loud robots or action sequences, or Shia labeouf's humor to distract us this time! Megan Fox finally got her chance to show us her acting chops! So here we have it, Fox whos sexy and quite the feisty female, off set plays a sexy, feisty........ cannibal. Sounds just yummy right? Well she does exude sex from every orifice and teases us with sexy lines and kisses girls. Pair that up with a script written by academy award winner Diablo Cody (Juno Screenwriter) and what more could one want?! Well I'm here to tell you a hell of a lot more than we got! Sorry folks but I'm sad to report that Jennifers Body left me completely unsatisfied, underwhemled and totally annoyed!
Essentially Megan Fox plays herself. An undoubtably sexy , selfish, bitch who treats her less attractive best friend like shit and is naive as they come. I didnt see Megan embody the role or bring anything to the table. I can garauntee she acts, talks and is the same way in real life. Jennifers character was a vapid, self absorbed girl and I have a feeling this wasn't exactly a stretch for Fox.
The supporting actor left much to be desired as well but it wasn't really her fault. Amanda Seyfriend played Needy, the best friend. These two girls couldn't have been more unlike eachother if they tried. Needy is a compassionate, sarcastic.... well nerd. They wanted to make that clear for us as well by giving her these ugly round wire glasses that were just as uncool two decades ago when the style first
came out. They dressed her in ugly grandma sweaters and she has an equally geeky boyfriend. I don't think this role was too much of a stress for Seyfriend either, even though there was a few crying sequences that were believable. Needys character wasnt much more likeble than Jennifer. Lets face it, Amanda Seyfriend was slumming in this film, its beneath her for sure. I liked her better in Mean Girls when she played a moronic blonde. That character alone had more substance than this entire film.
I dont really want to blame the actresses, well not totally. Yes they picked a silly movie to be in but I'd like to give credit to our Oscar winner as well because none of this would have happened without Diablo Cody. Shes obviously a smart and smart mouthed woman who likes her characters that way but I'm starting to think of Juno was a fluke. She was once raising the bar and is now scraping the bottom of the barrel.
The movie was downright silly and annoyingly ironic. The premise was that Jennifer drags Needy to an obscure bar in their town, Devils Kettle, to see this band Low Shoulder . The band, whos front man is played by Adam Brody (The O.C.) is completely unconvincing in his punker role. Even with black nailpolish and guy liner his persona screams "poser". But the wannabe and his band are not in this sad little town to give these deadbeats a free show for nothing. They came down to Devils Kettle to find........ a human sacrifice. A human virgin sacrifice. In doing so they believe that the devil will bring them fortune and fame. Another dumb thing is the bar explodes killing many of Jennifer and Needys classmates and almost all of the bar patrons except for the band so they gain exposure anyway for surviving. But I digress. In their virgin quest Jennifer and Needy start chatting the band up, well mostly Jennifer. Jennifer, in her mini skirt and hooker heels and low cut shirt. Jennifer, who offers to buy them alcohol. The whole time Needy stands there practically eating her own hair. Guess which girl the douchey band front man picks as their virgin? Even despite his bands protests, I mean it was too obvious, one of his band mates suggested Needy making a Jan Brady reference but to no avail.
Ofcourse Jennifer, being the stupid girl that she is, eargerly hops into their shitty band leaving Needy alone when the bar unexpectantly catches fire. The band unsuccessfully try to sacrifice Jennifer and leave her for dead awaiting there soon fame and fortune. Jennifer, because shes no longer even a back door virgin, doesn't die from the sacrifice. Instead she is demonized, turned into a man eater. And I mean that in the litteral sense.
She soon is feeding on classmates, seducing Needy, and puking up what can only be described as death. Needy struggles with the fact her town is being terrorized by someone thats eating students and that she knows her best friend has something to do with it. She also has a hard time dealing with her feelings for Jennifer, all of her feelings. Yea, at times she sees her as superficial and insensitve and a bitch but there were quite a few instances where you sensed Needy's not only admiration for her beautiful friend but attraction to her. Of course I couldn't review the movie without mentioning the kiss between the two girls. Or should I say make out scene. It was full on, lips and tounge, one girl on top of the other! Was it hot? Hell yea? But it was kind've like walking down the street and having a complete sranger give you ten thousand dollars in cash. Exciting as hell but a little confusing. Once the adrenaline wears off you start wondering "why?" I can't honestly say that it matters though. That scene was the reason for the majority of the movies ticket sales.
-Wanna see Megan Fox act for once?
-nah.....!
-Wanna see Megan Fox in her panties make out with another girl?
-of course!
But once again, I digress. If the people responsible for this crap thought that the scene would make up for the rest of the film they were dead wrong. Pun intended!
Another thing that makes me lay awake at night asking "why?" was the fact that Jennifers body had an identity crisis. The film had no idea what it wanted to be. And everthing it tried to be I can assure you it wasn't. It was not funny. It was not scary. It was not dramatic. It was not fun. It was not action. It just was. And I have no idea why.
9o minutes of utter akwardness. 9o minutes of Megan Fox saying sexy things and eating boys. 9o minutes of the most irritating dialouge ever! Again we must turn to Diablo Cody, whose dialouge was the only scary part of the film. Here are a few examples:
"It smells like thai food , have you guys been fucking?"-Jennifer
"thats freaktarded" -Needy
"The lead singers extra salty" - Jennifer, and Needy
(and my personal favorite), Jennifer pulls a long sharp pole from her stomach and lots of blood
rushes out.........."do you have a tampon?" - Jennifer
Ok. i believe I'm done here. I mean really.....whats left for me to say?
movie grade
D-
worth watching?
no. Just no.
