Drag Me to Hell/(newly released dvd)

Drag Me to Hell

"Notable Actors"

1. Allison Lohman- White Oleander
2. Justin Long- Jeepers Creepers, Accepted, Dodgeball

"Genre"

• Horror

Drag me to hell. Let me start off by explaining that the last "horror film" that  I've reviewed was the Unborn. Needless to say my standards have been set pretty damn low. If you've seen the film, (or read my review) you would then understand my sheer delight in discovering that Drag Me to Hell had all the ingredients to make quite a delicously, frightening tale of a young woman facing damnation.

Apperently Hell is not especially forgiving. In the first 3 minutes of the film a young boy, Juan, is litterally dragged to hell for stealing an old Gypsies silver necklace, we never se the said gypsie but see Juan's poor fate. I'm not really sure this segment was needed in the actaul movie because its never mentioned after the fact, and the rest of the film takes place about 4o years later.

The films leading lady, Christine (Lohman) works for a bank and  has a promotion hanging over her head. Unfortunately  she picks the wrong day and the wrong woman to use while trying to impress her boss with her long awaited authority and carelessness for other peoples plights, (which is key at a bank.) She comes face to face with Mrs. Ganush, whom I assume is the old gypsie young Juan stole from. She appears to be nothing more than an old, yet creepy looking woman.  Her hair is stringy and long she has a Foreign accent,  a glass eye(?), terribly worn and rotten dentures and the filthiest finger nails Christine has ever seen.

She wants an extension on her mortagage. Acutally she needs it.  She even gets down on her knees and begs in front everyone and Christines boss leaves the choice to her. Xtine knows its a test from him, and acts accordingly. She dismisses the old woman who is shocked and says "you have shamed me"....

Christines boss is impressed with her desicion as she leaves work for the day. She enters an empty dark parking garage , and the most disturbing scene of the film. Mrs Ganush somehow found her way into Christines back seat  and attacks her. They fight for at least 7 minutes ( 3 dvd chapters) and its awesome!

 This gypsie is one tough old relentless bitch. I grew exhausted watching her and Christine was no Match. Even after Mrs. Ganush slammed into the dashboard hard enough to knock out her dentures she  tries gnawing the poor girl to death with her gums! Yes, its as nasty as it sounds. Even after being stapled and stabbed  with by Xtines office supplies shes feelin well enough to take one of her coat buttons and curse her and it, (the button). The countdown to damnaiton commences.

Xtines boyfriend (Long) is without personality. Or likeability. Or  presence. Or desire.  And when she lets him go to seek others that want to help her I'm releived.

The movie is good, but its a bit too long. How much can one drag on when death is round the corner?

 The length may prevent you from watching it again. Which is kinda sad because its a heavy hitter in horror. One of the strongest competitors I have seen in a while. All the elements were there: the gore factor was up, there was lots of suspense and what I call "jumpers" (images that cuase one to jump back in their seat.) I mean I was spooked. Had it been night time I could not have watched it.

This is one fo the films where there wasn't a happy ending . I dont think I have to say exactly what happens to Christine but when she tries going back to  Mrs. Ganush for forgiveness she stumbles in on the old womans funeral and even from the grave she makes sure Christine pay for her coldness.

The conclusion to this tale, "do unto others as you would like done unto you or ye shall piss off an old gypsie and will be tortured for a few days and then litterally dragged to hell and lose a button from your expensive coat".

 Movie Grade

B+

Worth Watching?

yess

Year One /(newly released dvd)

Year One

"Notable Actors"

1. Jack Black-  School of Rock, Shallow Hal, Tropic Thunder
2. Michael Cera-  Juno, Superbad

 with appearances by

• Olivia Wild
• Paul Rudd
• David Croff 

Genre

• Comedy

Year One. Zed(Black) and Oh(Cera) are best friends living in the year one and members of a tribe of Hunter Gatherers' where they suck at both hunting and gathering. These lovable losers that cannot manage to pull their weight are finally exiled after they eat the forbidden fruit. Unfortunately and true to form for the duo they accidently burn the village to the ground and leave the other members of the tribe to be captured and enslaved. When word gets to Zed and Oh of their former tribes fate they spend the rest of the film trying to save them and redeem themselves .

Along the epic journey they encounter a series of challenges and myths. While being successful in dodging bob cats, the worlds first circumcision and gay men they still somehow become enslaved themselves. But with new friends some biblical like Abraham, and a Sociopath Cain, (who kills Able repeatedly) they eventually, probably by year two, save their tribe and prove themselves.

Fans of all of the off beat and mainstream comedies will recognize many of the  recycled actors with minor roles in Year One. Jack Blacks' Zed is much funnier and much more ratable than his less than desirable role in Tropic Thunder. Michael Cera's Oh is lovable , awkward and funny. Certainly Cera just being himself with a terrible wig on, (thankfully not for the whole film.) These two were enjoyed hilarious together.

Year One even attempts to ask age old questions about god, reason, and fate. The questions add a little depth to the film but the answers remind us this is strictly a comedy . Year One may not go down in history as a comedy classic like some of the movies our stars have already been in but it certainly has predated its spot as a very good film to be watched and enjoyed for years to come.
 Movie grade
A-
Worth watching?
you bet your sweet ass

Zombieland/(currently in theaters)

Zombieland

"Notable Actors"

1. Woody Harrelson-  No Country for Old Men, Anger Management
2. Jesse Eisenberg-  Adventureland
3. Emma Stone-  Superbad, The House Bunny
4. Abigail Breslin -  Little miss Sunshine, Signs

"Genre"

• 
  
  Comedy
  
  
  

Zombieland. Finally a Zombie flick to completely annihilate its' predecessors' , to kill all the undead, living dead, flesh eating people..... films. Apparently to make a mainstream Zombie film that's actually good, you have to make fun of it.

Eisenberg and Harrelson, play  two strangers happening to be traveling in the same direction come across  what we once knew as the United States but what now is Zombieland. The duo believe they are the pnly living survivors on the planet. Watching them interact with one another was quite a treat and made me wish I was there to keep the fellas company. With Harrleson's thirst for Twinkies and killing Zombies and Eisenberg's funny awkwardness and "rules" for Zombies I would have been happy wandering around aimlessly with these guys but luckily for the films sake they didn't need me. Abigail and Emma, were the two sisters they came across about 3o minutes into the movie. They had some baggage of their own but added a touch of quirky romance and some family wholesome-ness to the undead flick.

Not only did I appreciate the performances from the four cast members, as well as Bill Murrays cameo, but I enjoyed seeing the once chubby "Olive" From Little Miss sunshine as a young teenager. Shes developing into a great actor and has a major career ahead so look out Dakota Fanning! Woody Harrelson also chose a great film to make his comeback in, although the biggest shock of the film was despite the crazy situations he put himself in , he never died, or even got close to getting hurt. A bit annoying. I mean who are you supposed to be man Chuck Norris? 
Don't think that because Zombielands purpose was to make us laugh that it lacked on the gore factor. From start to finish there's enough blood and guts to satisfy any Zombie! There were also parts where I had to jump back in my chair. This happened about two or three times but some audience members laughed at these points as well.

In all Zombieland is a really a great feel good movie that's not to be taken too seriously, or seriously at all! Analyzing the film may take away the fun from it so sit back and enjoy this light hearted living dead flick!It will be thoroughly enjoyed especially in theaters. It's been a while since I paid 10.5o for a 9o minute film but I wasn't disappointed. I may not be ready to give up my redbox days but Zombieland resurrected my faith in modern over priced cinema.

movie grade

A-

worth watching?

hellz yea

Look For Me By The Moonlight/(young adult book)

Look For Me By The Moonlight

Author

• Mary D. Hahn

 Genre

• thriller
• non-fiction
• vampire?

Look For Me By The Moonlight. Due to the recent craze with this vampire genre in books and on film, with sexy immortals falling for sweet and nonchalant girls hoping to give them everlasting love and life I was taken aback when reading this book. I forgot that these (heartthrobs) vampires are supposed to be merciless bloodsucking killers! But thanks to Look For Me By The Moonlight I wont ever forget it again!

 Cynda is the young, plain, impressionable heroin  moving to Maine to live with her estranged father

at his old inn. He left her when she was six to be with his now wife, a former student in his literature class. They have a young annoying son, Todd and one on the way. Immediately Cynda starts feeling alone and unwelcome in her quite frightening old house. She meets a young, artistic loner named Will who seems interested in her. I thought Will was the awaited vampire that would sweep her off her feet. Although she swooned after him for a day or so he was out of her book the moment she met Vincent. He's a charming older and wiser man with good looks and a great personality. She and her parents are taken with this worldly man almost immediately. They're impressed by his intelligence and conversation. But Todd, Will and even the family cat are disturbed by his presence although Cynda doesn't seem to notice or care.

There relationship seems quite strange considering he's likely in his mid-thirties and she's sixteen. He makes secret gestures and passes at her soon inviting her to join him in the woods at night where she loses her head and heart. Making out with him frequently Cynda thinks she's in love and feels no wrong and even I wanted it to work. Inappropriate? Yes, But I figured "there vampires right?" There moral compasses must differ quite a bit from us mere mortals!

Before long Vincents real motives are brought to light when he begins sucking Cynda's blood each

 night and draining her of energy in the day time. Slowly he makes her slip into a depression and change into a vampire herself beacause soon she too only craves blood from others. Transformed into this robotic state Vincent uses intimidation to keep her from telling her parents who stupidly think she has a flu.

During the rushed ending to the book Cynda decides at the last minute to get rid of Vincent with the help of Will. What kept this book from being good was the fact that it was beyond realistic. Even though this is a book about vampires and ghosts, etc. I still found it hard to believe that Cynda's parents were so wrapped up in their own lives they hardly noticed a change in their daughter. Even when Cynda cried and pleaded for her father not to leave her side saying "Don't leave me daddy, stay with me, don't let him come back.", her father still suspects nothing of the stranger in their house and leaves Cynda alone in her room acting as if she irritated him. His young wife proves to be no help either and only when Vincent is dead do they act like normal human beings but I guess the authors excuse for this was they were "under a spell". How convenient!

It was an easy an mildly enjoyable read. Some humor and suspense tried to fill in the holes of the plot but it was OK. I applaud the author for reminding me that not all vampires are friendly and want to seduce me.

book grade

C+

worth reading

yes, if you have nothing better

Observe and Report/ (Newly Released dvd)

Observe and Report

"Notable Actors"

1. Seth Rogen- Knocked Up, Superbad
2. Anna Faris- Scary movie 1-4, The House Bunny
3. Ray Liotta- Wild hogs, Wise Guys

Genre

• Comedy

Observe and Report. Observe and Report huh? Well I have a better title . Watch and die. Or how about Deliver and Disappoint. Even better but not related to title; unfunny movie with Seth Rogen and Anna Faris so we think its funny and spend money on it but its actually not funny at all. That deffinitely would have been a more fitting title and at least I would have known what to expect instead of getting ready to be laughing out loud for over an hour which surely didn't happen. Okay so maybe this film isn't for everyone. But I don't consider myself everyone at all and think I have a broad taste. Needless to say I was disapointed.
The movie is pretty crude, has a silly plot and only one lovable character , but even he didn't make the movie worth finishing. Don't get me wrong I love Seth Rogan and Anna Faris but they should not have made this movie. I thought chubby rent a cops couldn't get anymore of a bad rep after Mall Cop but boy was I wrong.The movie did have its funny moments. About three. I laughed only three times during the whole movie and they weren't even truly genuine laughs that you can't control, they were forced at best.
Rogen plays a bi-polar loser mall cop that thinks a chunky weirdo that's flashing his penis to mall patrons is a blessing in disguise because he can use cracking the case to get him into the police academy. He is obsessed with Anna Faris's character whose name I can't remember. This woman is a hot ass mess and completely beneath him. Her voice sounds like she has a the swine flu through out the entire film and shes a sloppy, stupid drunk. She reminded me of what Britney Spears must have acted like around the time she shaved her head bald. These two main characters helped run this poorly written movie into the ground where it belongs and hopefully never spoken of in my presence again . Hate to be so harsh but I expected better from these guys.
movie grade
D
worth watching?
only if your high