Sorority Row/(dvd)

Sorority Row

"Notable Actors"

1. some chick
2. this douche bag
3. dumb hoe

with appearances by

• a sniveling Rumor Willis; (Demi Moore and Bruce Willis offspring)
• Audrina Patridge (the girl from The Hills with veneers that are too big for her mouth)

Genre

• horror
• thriller

Director

Stewart Hendler (nothing special on his resume)

Sorority Row. I wasn't planning on seeing this movie at all. I deffinitely wasn't going to review it either. On a bored whim I pulled it out of my local RedBox, went home and popped it in. I will try to keep this review as short as possible. You may know the bare minumum of the plot,  a sorority sister (Audrina Patridge) is accidently killed in a prank gone wrong and left for dead. Soon after, someone starts picking off the girls involved one by one with a tire iron (that has sharp attachments on it.)  This is your typical slasher so ofcourse instead of substance their is plentiful helpings of bad acting, topless women, and awful dialogue. The premise itself is not only absurd but just plain wrong when able minded beings stop to think of it. Audrina's boyfriend, Garrett, was given what he thinks is roofies by his real sister "Chuggs" who is also Audrina's sorority sister. Audrina is his girlfriend and  he tries to have sex with her while she's drugged. Pause! ummm isn't that called RAPE??? I find this highly weird. I guess when it comes to Sororities all moral compasses are checked at the door. It turned out not to be roofies but that meant that Garrett is the kind of guy that has no problem taking advangtage of his drugged girlfriend and for no apparent reason. Nobody else finds this weird though. Halfway through the molestation Audrina starts convulsing and foaming at the mouth and Garrett thinks shes dead. He runs to his sister Chuggs and they along with 5 other sorority sisters put her 'dead' body in a car and drive off. What Garrett doesn't know is that this is all a trick. Audrina and her friends thought that it would be funny to pretend she was dead and that he killed her. They considered this the ultimate revenge because Garrett cheated on Audrina and instead of confronting and breaking up with him she opted to play dead. Lets pause again. Who the hell would do that? It's cruel and disturbing. I'm even more disturbed when the girls easily get Garren to agree that they should just dump her dead body in a well and go back to the party they just left. Am I really the only one who sees what kind've man it would take to drug and rape  his girlfriend with help from his sister and her sorority then after "killing" her dump her body as if its some rag. And what kind've women would particpiate in something so heartless? Its the most tasteless thing I have ever heard and everyone involved deserves whatever consequences lay ahead. As you know from the trailer Garrett kills Audrina for real. He  shoves a tire iron through her chest. Honestly I'm not sure why. I rewound the dvd twice at this part and think he may have been trying to open the airways in her chest but it was weird and random and unclear why he was doing it. Without any real explanation Audrina  immediately passes on and  I don't feel bad for her. It was an ironic "life imitating art" situation.

The rest of the movie turns into a wannabe thriller "who-dunnit?" The killer, wielding one of the weirdest weapons of all time, is also dressed in a black robe that covered their face. The vibe I got was Urban Legend meets I Know What You Did Last Summer. Since the killers weapon was akward, big and sharp all the kills were essentially the same ; slit throats. The Murderer even manages to kill someone thats all the way down the hall by throwing the tire ax expertly and very ninja like hitting spot on in the throat.  Whatever!

The writers of the movie (who have written Good Luck Chuck  -_-) tried their best to confuse the audience of who the killer was. They had the nerve to throw us so many red herring's in attempts to create twists and turns for us. Ofcourse all the obvious ones had totally legitimate reasons for being the killer so I kept them in the back of my mind.  But when the real killer was revealed I was surprised and not in a good way. The killers so-called motives were even worse. It wasn't that the girls didn't deserve to be killed, but the person that decided to teach them a lesson came completely out of nowhere. I know the objective was to shock us but it really just annoyed me. The people that made this crap thought it was much better than it actually was.

As in the scare factor, there is no supsense what-so-ever, not even jumping moments. I was bored and only curious to see who the killer was and it truly wasn't worth it when I found out. Sorority Row just may be one of the dumbest movies I have seen in a long time and the only satisfying part of it all was being able to release all of my frustations in this blog. I wanted to alert the public what the real story is behind Sorority Row. It started off with an attempted rape (which was fine with everybody!) and somehow only happened to plummet even further from there. Skip this one guys, even if  it is only one dollar. Come to think of it, even if its free.

The Vampire Diaries; volume 1/(young adult book/now a televsion series)

The Vampire Diaries

volume 1

Author

• L.S. Smith

Genre

• non fiction
• thriller/suspense/fantasy
• vampire
• love

The vampire Diaries. Part one; The Awakening & part two; The Struggle. Okay guys I hope your not sick of these vampire stories yet. I know I'm not :) After a few recommendations from fellow nerds I finally picked up Volume 1 of The Vampire Diaries.  Sadly it started off strangely reminding me of a stripper, on stage for the first time. Slow, scared, inexperienced and almost cringe worthy. She's the girl paying her way through college but weary that her job will imprison her! I felt similiar hoping this hogwash wouldn't turn me off so much that I never lifted another book again. Two things saved this saga from my trash bin. (1) I hoped the stripper would get a bit more confidant and perk up and (2)I'm cheap. Why is that relevant?  Because I paid  $9.95 for this book and I didnt want it to be another waste of litetrature an more importantly my money. It took many attampts to get through the dreadful first half of The Vampire Diaries. And believe me this was no easy feat after meeting our shallow blond bombshell bitch of a heroin, Elena. She is the epitomy of the girl every boy wants to deflower and every girl wants to be. She is spoiled, selfish and only keeps around people for her own agenda.  Why couldnt the stripper be more like her?  Her inner circle includes her two close friends, (one with psychic abilities,) and a her boyfriend the most popular boy in school. I very early on grow tired of Elena and her awesomeness. I don't know how any reader could like her even when they give her a traumatic back story for sympathy. She now lives with her aunty because her parents were killed. She also has two young siblings, or is it one? It doesnt really matter, almost all of the minor roles are meerly page fillers with no contribution to the story what so ever. There are plenty of characters in the book but  most of them are as flat and dimensional as a comic book cartoon.  And the people we do get to know happen to be as likeable as a sex offender. Luckily there is some (very slim) character development for the main roles L.S. Smith has created. I was constantly rolling my eyes and deeming this book too juvenile for  myself. Although I  sometimes prefer reading young a adults books theirs only so much "fluff" I can bear. I moaned and groaned reading Elena's first diary entry telling us that she is scared for she believes something is coming for her. Even more so as Elena's psychic reading friend , Bonnie, read Elena's palm and could foretell her meeting a tall, dark, stranger in the future. I'm not sure how the lines on her hand led Bonnie to this improbable conclusion but long behold Stefan Salvitore. The new student that just happens to be tall, dark and handsome. Oh and did I mention he's a bloodsucking invincible lad as well? The story gets a teeny bit more interesting as Elena promptly dumps Matt her popular boyfriend, and enlists her gal pals to bag the new guy. Stefan is the usual "good guy"  vampire only feeding on animals.  From Stefan's POV he is enchanted with Elena. She shares an uncanny resemblance with Katherine, the one who turned him into a vampire and the only girl he has ever loved. Eventhough that was centuries ago and Elena is 100times more feisty than his beloved its still an Usher's "you remind me" situation for him; (lyrics)

...you remind of a girl that I once knew/ see her face whenever I look at you/ you wont believe all of the things she put me through/ this is why I just can't get with you/...
  Still reeling from what his lady Katherine "put him through" Stefan decided to stay away from Elena. In doing so he's "mean" to her. Ignoring every advance, and eventually humiliating poor Elena, and its about time someone knocked her down a peg.

Halfway through part one Stefan saves Elena from a potential rape and this sparks their relationship. That'll deffinitely be a story to tell the kids how mommy and daddy got together . Our heroin finds herself head over heels in love and him of her. Unaware that he's a blood lusting immortal, Elena senses that he's hiding something but is content with there relationship so doesn't push the envelope. Although she becomes more likeable and less superficial while with Stefan Elena's still the same bitch. She has no problem writing off her friends, family and school work to be with him. I will admit  as far as teenage vampire lovers go they got a cute thing goin. But its not new. Its not surprising and its expected in this genre.

 Picture this;  the strippers first song is over and she is relieved and cant believe that she did it. Slowly she is lettig go of her inhibitions and she opens up more. Things start to get juicy when another dark stranger roams (or flys) into town. He too is gorgeous and is taken with Elena the first time he sees her. And she is almost entranced with stranger danger whom we come to know as Damon. The chemistry they share is off the charts and even in their first meeting she is almost compelled to kiss him. We soon find out that Damon is Stefan's evil older sibling and he's got a score to settle with his brother. Coincidently murders start happening in town around the same time as these two young studs move in making everyone weary of Stefan. Eventually he reveals his dark secret to Elena and warns her about Damon. Elena LOVES Stefan but cannot deny the electric sexual tension that she shares with his brother although he also disgusts her. At the end of The Awakening, Damon and his brother square off for Elena. Stefan is powerless against his brother who feeds quite well on humans, making him much stronger, faster and more dangerous. He leaves Stefan for dead.
Because of that ending I was more than anxious to get into part two The Struggle. If The Awakening was an apple I took my time patiently eating I devoured The Struggle like a hungry stripper that hadn't eaten in centuries. As Elena learned of Stefan's "death" from the wicked Damon she starts a man hunt looking for her beloved because she knows in her heart he is still alive somewhere. She enlists her friends and even the boy she dumped for Stefan to help find him. And proving to be both a good guy and a dumb ass, he readily helps Elena find her guy. To nurse Stefan back to health she lets him suck her blood. But because Damon is still alive we know that the dual is not over for these Cain and Able like brothers. Vampire Diaries is a cute story. Its not really bringing anything new to the table other than the brothers hating eachother thing.  L.J. Smith gives us an interesting if not cliched take on what vampires are in her own mind.
Since the protagonist is female I can imagine that the author has spent many a night thinking of herself as the fantastic Elena; who meets her everlasting love, the gorgeous, the celestial, Stefan Salvitore and then has the honor of two immortals fighting to the death over her.
Fortunately these guys don't sparkle in the sun ( sorry Twilight fans,) In fact the duo would burn to death and  need a ring in order to bear the sunlight. Smith brings it old school again because  in her world Vampires may not enter a dwelling unless it a public one, with out an invitation. Retro right? It took me a while to get through what should have been a fairly easy read. But what miss Smith irked me with in the first half she made up for in the second half. I am looking forward to seeing what our author has next for our characters.
Will Elena bed Stefan or his wicked brother Damon first? Or will it be neither, this is a young adults book!
Will Elenas friends develop at least two dimensional qualities?
Will the town discover Stefans secrets?
Will the stripper pay her way through college?
Hopefully the next installment has all these answers plus much more. Im hoping that the author, like our stripper has a few more tricks up her sleeve.
book grade
C+
worth reading?
 I guess