Armored /(currently in theaters)

Armored

"Notable actors"

1. Laurence Fishburne- The Matrix, Boyz n the Hood, Whats Love Got to do with it
2. Matt Dillon- Wild Things, Theres Something About Mary, Crash, You, me and Dupree
3. Columbus Short- Save the Last Dance 2, Cadillac Records, Stomp the Yard

Genre

• Action
• Drama

Armored. A quick glance at my blog and one can clearly see that I dont review new movies very often. Its true, I don't get out to the always expensive multiplex as much as I would like to. So one can imagine that  venturing to the actual movie theaters to pay top dollar for a 90minute film is not something i take for  granted or lightly! With that being said I would like to thank the movie Armored  for reminding me that its okay to be the cheapskate that I am, and theres nothing wrong with waiting till the dvd release. Or in this particular case maybe its premiere on  the televesion network FX . I'm sure that won't
be for another few years but  had I known what I was getting myself into I would have waited.
Okay, so Armored wasn't horrible, I will say that, but it wasn't a good film either. Lets start off with the story line and cast. Columbus Short is the front runner in this film. Not his first time starring in a movie but this time theres no dancing for us to forgive him for being an exceptional dancer that can act, kinda.  He plays Ty Hackett, a 30 somethin year old who just lost  his parents and is struggling to take care of his brother Jimmy. He's having trouble paying his house note and weary that the bank may be taking the home he grew up in with his family.
 The whole movie he searches for sympathy from us, wanting us to feel sorry for him being a young man just trying to do the right thing. Ideally I would, in this film, I could not. With the brief and forced brother to brother moments with his younger sibling Jimmy, I simply wasn't convinced enough to care what happened to them. It was also a poor idea for the movie because it became absolutely ridiculous the amount of times this kid was talked about during the film, transforming Armored from an action/drama to a really bad after school special.
 Here are a few examples;
"I'm trying to do right by Jimmy"
"I'm so proud of you taking care of Jimmy and all..."
"Get another hot dog, for Jimmy"
"Do it for Jimmy man."
"Jimmy needs me."
"It's just me and Jimmy."
Sadly and irratiting enough the poor boy that played Jimmy was mentioned way more than he actually appeared. How can I actually care about this kid if I don't get to connect with him. I would say his character wasn't developed but it never formed to begin with. Instead of making Jimmy a real character he became the crutch that the entire movie chose to stand on.
Ty (along with a riducously shady crew) works for Eagel Shield, a company that transports millions of money on a daily basis in "armored" trucks. Upon meeting Ty's coworkers my spidy senses start tingling immediately.  His new coworkers include a few screw balls to say the least. Matt Dillon plays his supposed to be best friend, Mike and he drives Ty back and forth to work and gives him advice and knew his father. Ty trusts him, I know better. Dillon is notorious for playing two faced roles. Ty must've still been emotionally cut off from the world for I believe any and everyone else could sense Mike's fakeness on any bullshit o' meter. Laurence Fishburne took a break from making good movies  and from being  sane to  play Baines, a crazy assault rifle toting man, who encourages more pity than laughs from the audience. This guy is one scary man, he's the loose cannon of the group, I feared him. Again ty did not. The rest of his unit include a bible thumper, (they are the worst), a eye shifting Russian, and two other white guys, who shall remain nameless. How is this film supposed to keep me on the edge of my seat and thrill me if I know what there shifty eyes and greedy smiles mean? Ty needs to get with the program already before he puts himself in a dangerous situation like the joke his unit set up on him.
This was another major red flag that our protagonist missed. Baines, Ty and Mike were transporting  a few million dollars when there car stopped on an empty road (that they shouldnt have been on to begin with) when another van pulls up with men  with masks, wielding guns and explosives come out. Baines and Mike in the front say they smell burnt sugar and Ty is stuck in his seatbelt for whatever reason as the masked assailants put a bomb on the armored door. Ty, braces for what is surely death then
FIRECRACKERS go off! It's not real! The masked assailants  are the other guys from his unit. There just messing around.  Inniation? A joke? Either way it was in very poor taste. I'm sure Hackett had to change his drawers after that. No Biggie  though right! Wrong! While Ty took a deep breath in relief  he really should have been extremely cautious of his team, he wasn't.
The same night as Mike drives Ty home he tells him how the unit is plannig on takeing the 42 million dollars there transporting tomorrow for there own. He says they'll pretend to be robbed, hide the loot, alert authorities, and then collect the dinero later on. Ty, being the good man that he is, is quite frankly appalled and terrrified. I will admit its a pretty  interesting idea. But it seemed so last minute. They knew the cops would want a play by play from everyone invlolved, it would draw up major suspicion if  they all said different things. Thats just stupid. They had a plan but it was more like "lets just see how it works out" rather than having every "I dotted and T crossed". Hackett refuses a ride that night and walks home only to find a social worker at his house and the infamous Jimmy makes a short apperance. Ths social worker threatens to take Jimmy to a foster home because he's been truant from school for months. What the hell has Ty been so wrapped up in not to notice that? The clouds I suppose, for this man had no clue what was happening in his own house. With the threat of losing Jimmy Ty sees no other way then to pull off the heist with his unit. The next day he shows up to work fresh faced and ready to steal a cool 42 million. But in true good guy fashion he says "Just promise me were not gonna hurt nobody." Mike agrees; "No one gets hurt."
This is where the movie does something unnexpected, Armored pulls a U-turn on us and I never saw it coming. I figured they would pull the plan off but with the avarice and stupidity in every mans heart they would kill eachother in hopes to have it all, and somehow Ty would end up with the money.
Instead during the middle of hiding the money, someone despite Mikes promise "gets hurt". A bum that dwells in the old warehouse there hiding there stash is spotted watching them. Baines shoots him in cold blood and Ty finally realizes that he can no longer go through with this. He locks himself in one of the
armored trucks and tries to radio for help but there area is so secluded he doesnt have a signal. Mike then decides they must kill Ty and make it look like it happened during the highjacking. The unit spemds most of the movie trying to somehow pry the truck open and kill Ty. Meanwhile Ty tries several tactics to make noise and somehow allert the cops. After getting the car alarm to go off he does succeed in drawing the attention of Officer Eckenhart a cop without a partner who enjoys hot dogs from the same place as Ty and Mike. Unfortunately he gets shot and left for dead but Ty distracts the unit, LEAVES THE TRUCK GETS ECKENHEART AND BRINGS HIM BACK TO THE TRUCK! Ty turns into Chuck Norris as he begins picking off the guys one by one without getting hurt. The Russian man goes to fetch Jimmy(whom the movie wouldn't be possilbe without)  as a lure for Ty and he takes the bait willingly. But after setting a booby trap the money explodes and so do the remaining bad guys. Ty, Jimmy and Eckenhart (all the good guys) survive. As Officer Eckenhart lay in the hospital, Ty sits in the waiting room waiting for Jimmy to be relased as well. I was alittle surprised that he wasnt questioned or anything because wether this was his idea or not he was in on it as well. His Boss comes out and tells
Ty that the officer he helped has told everyone how he saved his life and the part that made me laugh out loud was his bosses next line. "theres talk of a reward" Ty smiles and collects Jimmy and goes home. He saves Jimmy. He saved an officer of the law, he held onto his integrity and because of all his good deeds will one day receive a "reward" of some kind and will most likey save his house. So all in all Ty does end up with at least some money. But this secenario is as likey as him ripping off his clothes revealing a blue and red unitard with an S on his chest and flying him and Jimmy home. If were gonna be this far fetched and corny I would rather stick to something along the lines of High School Musical, with a movie like that you know exactly what your getting. Armored used its thick skin and wicked ways to trick us into thinking not only is it an action flick worth watching but that its for adults. Unlike Ty Hackett and his world of make believe I'm not buying it. But maybe my four year old neice would. She is a fan or fairy tales.
movie grade
C
worth watching?
only if you've seen everyother Disney/Pixar movie

Jennifers Body/(on dvd 12/24/09)

Jennifers Body

"Notable actors"

1. Megan Fox- Transformers 1&2, How to Lose Friends and Alienate People
2. Amanda Seyfriend- Big Love, Mean Girls, Mama Mia

 "Genre "

• comedy
• horror

Jennifers Body. I will admit that all the talk surrounding Megan Fox had me curious enough to see this film. I mean it was the talk of the town. Megan Fox finally in a lead role that actually requires acting. No loud robots or action sequences, or Shia labeouf's humor to distract us this time! Megan Fox finally got her chance to show us her acting chops! So here we have it, Fox whos sexy and quite the feisty female, off set plays  a sexy, feisty........ cannibal. Sounds just yummy right? Well she does exude sex from every orifice and teases us with sexy lines and kisses girls. Pair that up with a script written by academy award winner Diablo Cody (Juno Screenwriter) and what more could one want?!  Well I'm here to tell you a hell of a lot more than we got! Sorry folks but I'm sad to report that Jennifers Body left me completely unsatisfied,  underwhemled and totally annoyed!

  Essentially Megan Fox plays herself.  An undoubtably sexy , selfish, bitch who treats her less attractive best friend like shit and is naive as they come. I didnt see Megan embody the role or bring anything to the table. I can garauntee she acts, talks and is the same way in real life. Jennifers character was a vapid, self absorbed girl and I have a feeling this wasn't exactly a stretch for Fox.

  The supporting actor left much to be desired as well but it wasn't really her fault. Amanda Seyfriend played Needy, the best friend. These two girls couldn't have been more unlike eachother if they tried. Needy is a compassionate, sarcastic.... well nerd. They wanted to make that clear for us as well by giving her these ugly round wire glasses that were just as uncool two decades ago when the style first

came out. They dressed her in ugly grandma sweaters and she has an equally geeky boyfriend. I don't think this role was too much of a stress for Seyfriend either, even though there was a few crying sequences that were believable. Needys character wasnt much more likeble than Jennifer. Lets face it, Amanda Seyfriend was slumming in this film, its beneath her for sure. I liked her better in Mean Girls when she played a moronic blonde. That character alone had more substance than this entire film.

 I dont really want to blame the actresses, well not totally. Yes they picked a silly movie to be in but I'd like to give credit to our Oscar winner as well because none of this would have happened without Diablo Cody. Shes obviously a smart  and smart mouthed woman who likes her characters that way but I'm starting to think of Juno was a fluke. She was once raising the bar and is now scraping the bottom of the barrel.

   The movie was downright silly and annoyingly ironic. The premise was that Jennifer drags Needy to an obscure bar in their town, Devils Kettle, to see this band Low Shoulder . The band, whos front man is  played by Adam Brody (The O.C.) is completely unconvincing in his punker role. Even with black nailpolish and guy liner  his persona screams "poser". But the wannabe and his band are not in this sad little town to give these deadbeats a free show for nothing. They came down to Devils Kettle to find........ a human sacrifice. A human virgin sacrifice. In doing so they believe that the devil will bring them fortune and fame. Another dumb thing is the bar explodes killing many of Jennifer and Needys classmates and almost all of the bar patrons except for the band so they gain exposure anyway for surviving. But I digress. In their virgin quest Jennifer and Needy start chatting the band up, well mostly Jennifer. Jennifer, in her mini skirt and hooker heels and low cut shirt. Jennifer, who offers to buy them alcohol. The whole time Needy stands there practically eating her own hair. Guess which girl the douchey band front man picks as their virgin? Even despite his bands protests, I mean it was too obvious, one of his band mates suggested Needy making a Jan Brady reference but to no avail.

   Ofcourse Jennifer, being the stupid girl that she is, eargerly hops into their shitty band leaving Needy alone when the bar unexpectantly catches fire. The band unsuccessfully try to sacrifice Jennifer and leave her for dead awaiting there soon fame and fortune. Jennifer, because shes no longer even a back door virgin, doesn't die from the sacrifice. Instead she is demonized, turned into a man eater. And I mean that in the litteral sense.

She soon is feeding on classmates, seducing Needy, and puking up what can only be described as death. Needy struggles with the fact her town is being terrorized by someone thats eating students and that she knows her best friend has something to do with it. She also has a hard time dealing with her feelings for Jennifer, all of her feelings. Yea, at times she sees her as superficial and insensitve and a bitch but there were quite a few instances where you sensed Needy's not only admiration for her beautiful friend but attraction to her. Of course I couldn't review the movie without mentioning the kiss between the two girls. Or should I say make out scene. It was full on, lips and tounge, one girl on top of the other! Was it hot? Hell yea? But it was kind've like walking down the street and having a complete sranger give you ten thousand dollars in cash. Exciting as hell but a little confusing. Once the adrenaline wears off you start wondering "why?" I can't honestly say that it matters though. That scene was the reason for the majority of the movies ticket sales.

-Wanna see Megan Fox act for once?

-nah.....!

-Wanna see Megan Fox in her panties make out with another girl?

-of course!

  But once again, I digress. If the people responsible for this crap thought that the scene would make up for the rest of the film they were dead wrong. Pun intended!

   Another thing that makes me lay awake at night asking "why?" was the fact that Jennifers body had an identity crisis. The film had no idea what it wanted to be. And everthing it tried to be I can assure you it wasn't. It was not funny. It was not scary. It was not dramatic. It was not fun.  It was not action. It just was. And I have no idea why.

9o minutes of utter akwardness. 9o minutes of Megan Fox saying sexy things and eating boys. 9o minutes of the most irritating dialouge ever! Again we must turn to Diablo Cody, whose dialouge was the only scary part of the film. Here are a few examples:

"It smells like thai food , have you guys been fucking?"-Jennifer

"thats freaktarded" -Needy

"The lead singers extra salty" - Jennifer, and Needy

(and my personal favorite), Jennifer pulls a long sharp pole from her stomach and lots of blood

rushes out.........."do you have a tampon?" - Jennifer

Ok. i believe I'm done here. I mean really.....whats left for me to say?

movie grade

D-

worth watching?

no. Just no.

The Rocker/ (currently on HBO/dvd)

The Rocker

"Notable actors"

1. Rainn Wilson- The office
2. Christina Applegate- Anchorman, The Sweetest Thing
3. Emma Stone- Superbad, Zombieland

Genre

• Comedy

The Rocker. I was blown away by this film! Never really had any expectations for a movie about some 4o something year old guy playing with his nephews high school band but I laughed my butt off through out the entire thing!
 Robert "Fish" Fishman (Wilson) is  a miserable, middle aged man who never really grew up. He got dumped by his bandmates just as they were getting ready to make it big in the rock world. He was thrown on his behind by the band he put together and named ( Vesuvius) and they even tried killing him when he seeked revenge and found to their dismay "he can't be killed!"
About 2o years later Fish is a s bitter as ever and Vesuvius is still going strong with platinum albums, world tours and magazine covers.  Fish has vowed never to play again but in a fateful chain of events, (losing his job and girlfriend and home) he ends up staying with his sisters famliy  Including his plain looking and  no presonality nephew, Matt. Matt and his friends (Stone and a nobody) need a drummer for their prom gig. Fish agrees to play with them and  claims it is only a one time thing.
Although in real life it may be kinda creepy to have old man playing with these teens its cute how he connects with them and  backin love with Rock n Roll. Soon and unlikely as ever the kids gain exposure after a naked  youtube video leeks and they hit the road to tour. They journey the country with hopes for making it big and Fish some how learns to finally grow up even after running into his former bandmates!
Thankfully the music wasn't lame. The Rocker had  a rockin'  soundtrack and all the music  through the film was great; witty and  catchy and made the film even cooler! I even caught myself singing some lyrics after the movie was over.
Wether or not your bitter about what your friends have done to you, or your an adult who never grew up, or you"ve always wondered "what if?" I recomend this movie highly, even if your not a fan rock its a fun and funny movie and it may surprise you.

movie grade
A
worth watching?
yes yes and yes!!!

Drag Me to Hell/(newly released dvd)

Drag Me to Hell

"Notable Actors"

1. Allison Lohman- White Oleander
2. Justin Long- Jeepers Creepers, Accepted, Dodgeball

"Genre"

• Horror

Drag me to hell. Let me start off by explaining that the last "horror film" that  I've reviewed was the Unborn. Needless to say my standards have been set pretty damn low. If you've seen the film, (or read my review) you would then understand my sheer delight in discovering that Drag Me to Hell had all the ingredients to make quite a delicously, frightening tale of a young woman facing damnation.

Apperently Hell is not especially forgiving. In the first 3 minutes of the film a young boy, Juan, is litterally dragged to hell for stealing an old Gypsies silver necklace, we never se the said gypsie but see Juan's poor fate. I'm not really sure this segment was needed in the actaul movie because its never mentioned after the fact, and the rest of the film takes place about 4o years later.

The films leading lady, Christine (Lohman) works for a bank and  has a promotion hanging over her head. Unfortunately  she picks the wrong day and the wrong woman to use while trying to impress her boss with her long awaited authority and carelessness for other peoples plights, (which is key at a bank.) She comes face to face with Mrs. Ganush, whom I assume is the old gypsie young Juan stole from. She appears to be nothing more than an old, yet creepy looking woman.  Her hair is stringy and long she has a Foreign accent,  a glass eye(?), terribly worn and rotten dentures and the filthiest finger nails Christine has ever seen.

She wants an extension on her mortagage. Acutally she needs it.  She even gets down on her knees and begs in front everyone and Christines boss leaves the choice to her. Xtine knows its a test from him, and acts accordingly. She dismisses the old woman who is shocked and says "you have shamed me"....

Christines boss is impressed with her desicion as she leaves work for the day. She enters an empty dark parking garage , and the most disturbing scene of the film. Mrs Ganush somehow found her way into Christines back seat  and attacks her. They fight for at least 7 minutes ( 3 dvd chapters) and its awesome!

 This gypsie is one tough old relentless bitch. I grew exhausted watching her and Christine was no Match. Even after Mrs. Ganush slammed into the dashboard hard enough to knock out her dentures she  tries gnawing the poor girl to death with her gums! Yes, its as nasty as it sounds. Even after being stapled and stabbed  with by Xtines office supplies shes feelin well enough to take one of her coat buttons and curse her and it, (the button). The countdown to damnaiton commences.

Xtines boyfriend (Long) is without personality. Or likeability. Or  presence. Or desire.  And when she lets him go to seek others that want to help her I'm releived.

The movie is good, but its a bit too long. How much can one drag on when death is round the corner?

 The length may prevent you from watching it again. Which is kinda sad because its a heavy hitter in horror. One of the strongest competitors I have seen in a while. All the elements were there: the gore factor was up, there was lots of suspense and what I call "jumpers" (images that cuase one to jump back in their seat.) I mean I was spooked. Had it been night time I could not have watched it.

This is one fo the films where there wasn't a happy ending . I dont think I have to say exactly what happens to Christine but when she tries going back to  Mrs. Ganush for forgiveness she stumbles in on the old womans funeral and even from the grave she makes sure Christine pay for her coldness.

The conclusion to this tale, "do unto others as you would like done unto you or ye shall piss off an old gypsie and will be tortured for a few days and then litterally dragged to hell and lose a button from your expensive coat".

 Movie Grade

B+

Worth Watching?

yess

Year One /(newly released dvd)

Year One

"Notable Actors"

1. Jack Black-  School of Rock, Shallow Hal, Tropic Thunder
2. Michael Cera-  Juno, Superbad

 with appearances by

• Olivia Wild
• Paul Rudd
• David Croff 

Genre

• Comedy

Year One. Zed(Black) and Oh(Cera) are best friends living in the year one and members of a tribe of Hunter Gatherers' where they suck at both hunting and gathering. These lovable losers that cannot manage to pull their weight are finally exiled after they eat the forbidden fruit. Unfortunately and true to form for the duo they accidently burn the village to the ground and leave the other members of the tribe to be captured and enslaved. When word gets to Zed and Oh of their former tribes fate they spend the rest of the film trying to save them and redeem themselves .

Along the epic journey they encounter a series of challenges and myths. While being successful in dodging bob cats, the worlds first circumcision and gay men they still somehow become enslaved themselves. But with new friends some biblical like Abraham, and a Sociopath Cain, (who kills Able repeatedly) they eventually, probably by year two, save their tribe and prove themselves.

Fans of all of the off beat and mainstream comedies will recognize many of the  recycled actors with minor roles in Year One. Jack Blacks' Zed is much funnier and much more ratable than his less than desirable role in Tropic Thunder. Michael Cera's Oh is lovable , awkward and funny. Certainly Cera just being himself with a terrible wig on, (thankfully not for the whole film.) These two were enjoyed hilarious together.

Year One even attempts to ask age old questions about god, reason, and fate. The questions add a little depth to the film but the answers remind us this is strictly a comedy . Year One may not go down in history as a comedy classic like some of the movies our stars have already been in but it certainly has predated its spot as a very good film to be watched and enjoyed for years to come.
 Movie grade
A-
Worth watching?
you bet your sweet ass

Zombieland/(currently in theaters)

Zombieland

"Notable Actors"

1. Woody Harrelson-  No Country for Old Men, Anger Management
2. Jesse Eisenberg-  Adventureland
3. Emma Stone-  Superbad, The House Bunny
4. Abigail Breslin -  Little miss Sunshine, Signs

"Genre"

• 
  
  Comedy
  
  
  

Zombieland. Finally a Zombie flick to completely annihilate its' predecessors' , to kill all the undead, living dead, flesh eating people..... films. Apparently to make a mainstream Zombie film that's actually good, you have to make fun of it.

Eisenberg and Harrelson, play  two strangers happening to be traveling in the same direction come across  what we once knew as the United States but what now is Zombieland. The duo believe they are the pnly living survivors on the planet. Watching them interact with one another was quite a treat and made me wish I was there to keep the fellas company. With Harrleson's thirst for Twinkies and killing Zombies and Eisenberg's funny awkwardness and "rules" for Zombies I would have been happy wandering around aimlessly with these guys but luckily for the films sake they didn't need me. Abigail and Emma, were the two sisters they came across about 3o minutes into the movie. They had some baggage of their own but added a touch of quirky romance and some family wholesome-ness to the undead flick.

Not only did I appreciate the performances from the four cast members, as well as Bill Murrays cameo, but I enjoyed seeing the once chubby "Olive" From Little Miss sunshine as a young teenager. Shes developing into a great actor and has a major career ahead so look out Dakota Fanning! Woody Harrelson also chose a great film to make his comeback in, although the biggest shock of the film was despite the crazy situations he put himself in , he never died, or even got close to getting hurt. A bit annoying. I mean who are you supposed to be man Chuck Norris? 
Don't think that because Zombielands purpose was to make us laugh that it lacked on the gore factor. From start to finish there's enough blood and guts to satisfy any Zombie! There were also parts where I had to jump back in my chair. This happened about two or three times but some audience members laughed at these points as well.

In all Zombieland is a really a great feel good movie that's not to be taken too seriously, or seriously at all! Analyzing the film may take away the fun from it so sit back and enjoy this light hearted living dead flick!It will be thoroughly enjoyed especially in theaters. It's been a while since I paid 10.5o for a 9o minute film but I wasn't disappointed. I may not be ready to give up my redbox days but Zombieland resurrected my faith in modern over priced cinema.

movie grade

A-

worth watching?

hellz yea

Look For Me By The Moonlight/(young adult book)

Look For Me By The Moonlight

Author

• Mary D. Hahn

 Genre

• thriller
• non-fiction
• vampire?

Look For Me By The Moonlight. Due to the recent craze with this vampire genre in books and on film, with sexy immortals falling for sweet and nonchalant girls hoping to give them everlasting love and life I was taken aback when reading this book. I forgot that these (heartthrobs) vampires are supposed to be merciless bloodsucking killers! But thanks to Look For Me By The Moonlight I wont ever forget it again!

 Cynda is the young, plain, impressionable heroin  moving to Maine to live with her estranged father

at his old inn. He left her when she was six to be with his now wife, a former student in his literature class. They have a young annoying son, Todd and one on the way. Immediately Cynda starts feeling alone and unwelcome in her quite frightening old house. She meets a young, artistic loner named Will who seems interested in her. I thought Will was the awaited vampire that would sweep her off her feet. Although she swooned after him for a day or so he was out of her book the moment she met Vincent. He's a charming older and wiser man with good looks and a great personality. She and her parents are taken with this worldly man almost immediately. They're impressed by his intelligence and conversation. But Todd, Will and even the family cat are disturbed by his presence although Cynda doesn't seem to notice or care.

There relationship seems quite strange considering he's likely in his mid-thirties and she's sixteen. He makes secret gestures and passes at her soon inviting her to join him in the woods at night where she loses her head and heart. Making out with him frequently Cynda thinks she's in love and feels no wrong and even I wanted it to work. Inappropriate? Yes, But I figured "there vampires right?" There moral compasses must differ quite a bit from us mere mortals!

Before long Vincents real motives are brought to light when he begins sucking Cynda's blood each

 night and draining her of energy in the day time. Slowly he makes her slip into a depression and change into a vampire herself beacause soon she too only craves blood from others. Transformed into this robotic state Vincent uses intimidation to keep her from telling her parents who stupidly think she has a flu.

During the rushed ending to the book Cynda decides at the last minute to get rid of Vincent with the help of Will. What kept this book from being good was the fact that it was beyond realistic. Even though this is a book about vampires and ghosts, etc. I still found it hard to believe that Cynda's parents were so wrapped up in their own lives they hardly noticed a change in their daughter. Even when Cynda cried and pleaded for her father not to leave her side saying "Don't leave me daddy, stay with me, don't let him come back.", her father still suspects nothing of the stranger in their house and leaves Cynda alone in her room acting as if she irritated him. His young wife proves to be no help either and only when Vincent is dead do they act like normal human beings but I guess the authors excuse for this was they were "under a spell". How convenient!

It was an easy an mildly enjoyable read. Some humor and suspense tried to fill in the holes of the plot but it was OK. I applaud the author for reminding me that not all vampires are friendly and want to seduce me.

book grade

C+

worth reading

yes, if you have nothing better

Observe and Report/ (Newly Released dvd)

Observe and Report

"Notable Actors"

1. Seth Rogen- Knocked Up, Superbad
2. Anna Faris- Scary movie 1-4, The House Bunny
3. Ray Liotta- Wild hogs, Wise Guys

Genre

• Comedy

Observe and Report. Observe and Report huh? Well I have a better title . Watch and die. Or how about Deliver and Disappoint. Even better but not related to title; unfunny movie with Seth Rogen and Anna Faris so we think its funny and spend money on it but its actually not funny at all. That deffinitely would have been a more fitting title and at least I would have known what to expect instead of getting ready to be laughing out loud for over an hour which surely didn't happen. Okay so maybe this film isn't for everyone. But I don't consider myself everyone at all and think I have a broad taste. Needless to say I was disapointed.
The movie is pretty crude, has a silly plot and only one lovable character , but even he didn't make the movie worth finishing. Don't get me wrong I love Seth Rogan and Anna Faris but they should not have made this movie. I thought chubby rent a cops couldn't get anymore of a bad rep after Mall Cop but boy was I wrong.The movie did have its funny moments. About three. I laughed only three times during the whole movie and they weren't even truly genuine laughs that you can't control, they were forced at best.
Rogen plays a bi-polar loser mall cop that thinks a chunky weirdo that's flashing his penis to mall patrons is a blessing in disguise because he can use cracking the case to get him into the police academy. He is obsessed with Anna Faris's character whose name I can't remember. This woman is a hot ass mess and completely beneath him. Her voice sounds like she has a the swine flu through out the entire film and shes a sloppy, stupid drunk. She reminded me of what Britney Spears must have acted like around the time she shaved her head bald. These two main characters helped run this poorly written movie into the ground where it belongs and hopefully never spoken of in my presence again . Hate to be so harsh but I expected better from these guys.
movie grade
D
worth watching?
only if your high

Knowing/ (newly released dvd)

Knowing

"Notable Actors"

1. Nicholas Cage- Gone in Sixty Seconds, Face-off ,  Snake eyes etc.

Genre

• Thriller

Knowing. Knowing certainly proves to be a bigger burden than one would think. What would you do if you and only you knew how many people would die today? What if you knew when the world would end and had no idea how to stop it?

Nicholas Cage plays Ted a widower, MIT science professor and believer in coincidence and chance is the single father to son Caleb. Caleb goes to a school that's been open for 50 years. They celebrate this "mile stone" by pulling out the time capsule that was placed under ground during the first year of opening with what should be a pictures of the future drawn by the first grade class. Cody like the rest of his class gets an envelope but their isn't a picture in it. Its a white sheet of paper with what seems to a random serious of numbers on it. He takes it home to show his dad. Dad takes a look and from that point on goes from being just a lonely man working and smothering his child and being a complete shut in, (ignorant) to having the duty that comes with knowing how many people are going to die and where.

I will admit from the trailer I thought I had this movie figured out . This is one of the few films that I've seen in a long time that surprised me over and over. It can be compared to movies in different genres like Final Destination but that's a given and also Deep Impact , the day after tomorrow and believe it or not the movie Signs as well. I liked the movie because it wasn't really what I expected besides the fact that I knew it would be very heavy which it was. It takes you along for the ride and we are hoping that we all make it out alive.

 The Unfortunate part of the film was Cage didn't manage to save anyone in this film except his young son. And he had nothing to do with his sons salvation by the way. So the question is Why was he chosen to have this knowledge if in the end he and I were disapointed with the realiztion he could do nothing? If thats the case whats the damn point of the movie?

Even so this movie had me thinking. Like the last movie I reviewed this one had me feeling kinda scared afterward and thinking about things I do not wish to think of. Questions pose in my head but not the kind that anyone can answer. Is the future already written? Are we here because each of us has a destiny or prophecy to fulfill? Or is this all really a mistake? Are we humans here by chance , by accident? The even scarier ones, when will we die? How will we die? These questions should be rhetorical because really who could know the truth? But when it comes to life and death and purpose maybe we are better off being ignorant. Watch the movie yourself and tell me what good ever comes of Knowing?

Movie grade

A-

Worth watching?

if you dare

A Haunting in Conneticut/ (newly released dvd)

A Haunting in Conneticut

"Notable Actors"

1. Kyle Gallner- Veronica Mars
2. Virginia Madsen- The Haunting
3. Elias Koteas- Skinwalkers

Genre

• horror
• thriller

A Haunting in Connecticut. Sometimes the movies in the genre's of horror and thrillers become even creepier and disturbing when the you find out the movie is based on true events. I'm relieved to say that A Haunting in Connecticut is not an exception to the rule and this fact alone made the movie worth watching.
This film depicts a middle class American family in 1978 in, of course Connecticut. Sara Campell (played by D-lister Virginia Madsen) is our heroic mom ironically in denial  that makes the decision to move her family of six across town without much thought or her husbands consent. The temporary move places her family conveniently closer to the hospital her son teenage son Matt receives treatment at for cancer. The house is extremely dreary but ideal in size and location with only one catch Sara forgets to mention, the house is a former mortuary. Mom has some "splainin to do" when the family finds out. Matt who's undergoing, a then, controversial and experimental radiation treatment immediately starts seeing things and not acting himself but Sara is convinced that her son in simply reacting to treatment. Matt knows that either something is still living in the house or he's losing his mind and unsure of which is worse.
Matt enlists the help of Wendy , his live in cousin, and Reverend Popescu , fellow patient and believer. The three discover that the house is still reeling from past seance's and murders from the past owner and his helpers that took place en the 1950's. The house is reminiscent of An American Haunting and the Messengers as the grieving spirits that remain try to help uncover even more gorey secrets in their own terrifying way.
The movie is ok at best. There is alot of eery noises and special effects to pump up the gore. As always in horror I get mad at people that react in silly ways in certain situations like leaving your younger brother and sister alone in a house full of pissed off spirits while you shower in the middle of the day!
The most thought provoking part is the ending , because this movie is based on true events.
Matt goes from having his cancer progress so severely that the doctors tell his parents they are simply keeping him comfortable until he passes. He somehow manages to run home and de-demonize his house almost killing himself in another way by burning to death. He is successful with getting rid of the ghosts.
Mom reveals that Matt got better. His once lethal cancer has disappeared from his body. And hasn't been back. I know not all of this can be true, its quite obvious which parts aren't. Even with my curiosity and Internet I could probably google the answers I want. But I wont. Its different with movies like this. When the super natural is involved it brings about fear and doubt but also hope and mystery. What is true? What is false? These questions , usually with out answers are what makes these genres so addicting and so fascinating.
movie grade
B-
worth watching?
yea

Fired Up/(newly released dvd's)

Fired Up

"Notable Actors"

1. Nicholas D' Agosto- a nobody
2. Eric Christian Olsen- The Hot Chick, The comebacks
3. Sarah Roemer- Disturbia

Genre

• comedy 
• cheer leading mumble jumble

Fired Up. I think I should start this review by giving props first to a different movie. A movie that I loved and have seen literally a hundred times. One of the ultimate chick flicks . This film because of it's success caused all of America to finally take notice to a certain sport; Cheer leading. This movie unfortunately also inspired way too many terrible low budget sequels that never even came close in capturing the "magic" from its original. This epic tale is called Bring It On. It was such an influence to the genre Fired Up even paid tribute to the movie in the film .

I'm proud to announce that Fired Up is everything the other cheer leading movies are not. Yes, Fired Up is a cheer leading movie, which makes it a comedy. But for once a flick gives us a male perspective on the sport with the help from two high school male whores that are best friends, Nick and Sean. And although there are a lot of the usuals' for a cheer leading movie like boys with generic names, male cheerleaders, dumb blonde's, stunt doubles, lots of cheering, etc. Their are some newbies in this one folks. We get hilarious coaches, one that loves the word "shit" one that doesn't know hes gay yet, we get closet lesbians, croc loving losers and a plot where the ultimate goal isn't to win big but to score even bigger!

Our resident male whore students Nick and Sean, who have a healthy appetite for easy, stupid-as-hell girls come up with the idea to go to their schools cheer leading camp for a hot summer of non-stop hooking up. In order to do this they first have to convince the girls that want to join the squad. Since the squad quote "sucks balls", they are more than willing to accommodate these charismatic good looking tumblers onto their squad. They are all charmed except for miss Carly(Roemer) the squad captain that Sean ends up falling for. We follow the team through a three week summer camp that teaches Nick and Sean a lot of cliches about love and life it's a lot of fun.

Don't expect anything deep about this movie we will probably gain nothing having watched it but whats to be expected from cheerleaders anyway? This movie is non stop laughter and very much entertaining. I'm not about to go out and do back hand springs but this movie certainly me feeling corny enough to say that it got me fired up!

movie grade

b

worth watching?

 I'd say so

The Unborn (on dvd)

The Unborn

"Notable" actors

1. Megan Good (wth?)- sexy black girl with no business in movie
2. Odette Yustman- Girl that looks like Megan Fox
3. Gary Oldman- Movie Air Force One
4. Atticus Shaffer- Daddy's little Girls and Obsessed
5. Cam Gigandet- Twilight

 Genre

• thiller
• horror?

The Unborn. After suffering through this movie a few more words with the "un" prefix meaning not  come to mind. Such as uneventful, unsettling and un-........intelligble? My favorite this movie should have remained unwritten.

I had hopes for this movie. The trailer had me a bit intrigued ; A young girl , whom we come to know in the movie as Casey, (resembling a less "hot" version of Megan fox ask's her dad if she was a twin and he reveals she was.) Her would-be  twin brother nicknamed "Jumby" died while they were still in the womb. But come on with a name like Jumby was his death a bad thing? 
  Casey and a slew of noticeable B-list actors were unable to pull this movie together. But it wasn't their fault. The movie was down right confusing. The whole plot about this "unborn child" dates back to when Casey's grandmother, who was also a twin, was sent to Auschwitz concentration camp. The Nazi's took a special interest in twins and they experimented and killed them regardless of age. Casey's grandmother 's twin brother was killed during an experiment.

He came back to life two days later but no one suspected anything until he started acting mean..... A dibit (a ghost) that takes an interest in twins took over his body. Eventually the grandmother realized her brother was not the same and killed him herself but the ghost never went away. It hovered, waiting for another twin possibly . Casey's mom killed herself which is mentioned but didn't happen during the movie and there really is no clear explanation why. But it apparently ties into this dibit for some reason .Throughout the whole movie you never see Casey's father again after he reveals keeping the the twin secret to Casey so she's pretty much on her own to fend off this dibit that kills everyone she loves including the rabbi and other men she enlist to get an exorcism?!?! The real mystery is how the movie itself The Unborn  has the audacity to call itself a thrilller, a horror or even intelligent. Its tried way too hard and doesnt suceed at all.

And the twist at the end? Casey is alone, because all her loved ones have been killed, and she's pregnant with twins. Didn't see that coming. But I don't know why the creators did too because I dont know what this means for Casey and her unborns.
Save time and money folks. More importantly save your self the money you might spend on botox because the story line has you raising your eyebrows throughout the whole thing and unfortunately long after its over.
 movie grade

C-

worth watching?

no