Armored
"Notable actors"- Laurence Fishburne- The Matrix, Boyz n the Hood, Whats Love Got to do with it
- Matt Dillon- Wild Things, Theres Something About Mary, Crash, You, me and Dupree
- Columbus Short- Save the Last Dance 2, Cadillac Records, Stomp the Yard
- Action
- Drama
be for another few years but had I known what I was getting myself into I would have waited.
Okay, so Armored wasn't horrible, I will say that, but it wasn't a good film either. Lets start off with the story line and cast. Columbus Short is the front runner in this film. Not his first time starring in a movie but this time theres no dancing for us to forgive him for being an exceptional dancer that can act, kinda. He plays Ty Hackett, a 30 somethin year old who just lost his parents and is struggling to take care of his brother Jimmy. He's having trouble paying his house note and weary that the bank may be taking the home he grew up in with his family.
The whole movie he searches for sympathy from us, wanting us to feel sorry for him being a young man just trying to do the right thing. Ideally I would, in this film, I could not. With the brief and forced brother to brother moments with his younger sibling Jimmy, I simply wasn't convinced enough to care what happened to them. It was also a poor idea for the movie because it became absolutely ridiculous the amount of times this kid was talked about during the film, transforming Armored from an action/drama to a really bad after school special.
Here are a few examples;
"I'm trying to do right by Jimmy"
"I'm so proud of you taking care of Jimmy and all..."
"Get another hot dog, for Jimmy"
"Do it for Jimmy man."
"Jimmy needs me."
"It's just me and Jimmy."
Sadly and irratiting enough the poor boy that played Jimmy was mentioned way more than he actually appeared. How can I actually care about this kid if I don't get to connect with him. I would say his character wasn't developed but it never formed to begin with. Instead of making Jimmy a real character he became the crutch that the entire movie chose to stand on.
Ty (along with a riducously shady crew) works for Eagel Shield, a company that transports millions of money on a daily basis in "armored" trucks. Upon meeting Ty's coworkers my spidy senses start tingling immediately. His new coworkers include a few screw balls to say the least. Matt Dillon plays his supposed to be best friend, Mike and he drives Ty back and forth to work and gives him advice and knew his father. Ty trusts him, I know better. Dillon is notorious for playing two faced roles. Ty must've still been emotionally cut off from the world for I believe any and everyone else could sense Mike's fakeness on any bullshit o' meter. Laurence Fishburne took a break from making good movies and from being sane to play Baines, a crazy assault rifle toting man, who encourages more pity than laughs from the audience. This guy is one scary man, he's the loose cannon of the group, I feared him. Again ty did not. The rest of his unit include a bible thumper, (they are the worst), a eye shifting Russian, and two other white guys, who shall remain nameless. How is this film supposed to keep me on the edge of my seat and thrill me if I know what there shifty eyes and greedy smiles mean? Ty needs to get with the program already before he puts himself in a dangerous situation like the joke his unit set up on him.
This was another major red flag that our protagonist missed. Baines, Ty and Mike were transporting a few million dollars when there car stopped on an empty road (that they shouldnt have been on to begin with) when another van pulls up with men with masks, wielding guns and explosives come out. Baines and Mike in the front say they smell burnt sugar and Ty is stuck in his seatbelt for whatever reason as the masked assailants put a bomb on the armored door. Ty, braces for what is surely death then
FIRECRACKERS go off! It's not real! The masked assailants are the other guys from his unit. There just messing around. Inniation? A joke? Either way it was in very poor taste. I'm sure Hackett had to change his drawers after that. No Biggie though right! Wrong! While Ty took a deep breath in relief he really should have been extremely cautious of his team, he wasn't.
The same night as Mike drives Ty home he tells him how the unit is plannig on takeing the 42 million dollars there transporting tomorrow for there own. He says they'll pretend to be robbed, hide the loot, alert authorities, and then collect the dinero later on. Ty, being the good man that he is, is quite frankly appalled and terrrified. I will admit its a pretty interesting idea. But it seemed so last minute. They knew the cops would want a play by play from everyone invlolved, it would draw up major suspicion if they all said different things. Thats just stupid. They had a plan but it was more like "lets just see how it works out" rather than having every "I dotted and T crossed". Hackett refuses a ride that night and walks home only to find a social worker at his house and the infamous Jimmy makes a short apperance. Ths social worker threatens to take Jimmy to a foster home because he's been truant from school for months. What the hell has Ty been so wrapped up in not to notice that? The clouds I suppose, for this man had no clue what was happening in his own house. With the threat of losing Jimmy Ty sees no other way then to pull off the heist with his unit. The next day he shows up to work fresh faced and ready to steal a cool 42 million. But in true good guy fashion he says "Just promise me were not gonna hurt nobody." Mike agrees; "No one gets hurt."
This is where the movie does something unnexpected, Armored pulls a U-turn on us and I never saw it coming. I figured they would pull the plan off but with the avarice and stupidity in every mans heart they would kill eachother in hopes to have it all, and somehow Ty would end up with the money.
Instead during the middle of hiding the money, someone despite Mikes promise "gets hurt". A bum that dwells in the old warehouse there hiding there stash is spotted watching them. Baines shoots him in cold blood and Ty finally realizes that he can no longer go through with this. He locks himself in one of the
armored trucks and tries to radio for help but there area is so secluded he doesnt have a signal. Mike then decides they must kill Ty and make it look like it happened during the highjacking. The unit spemds most of the movie trying to somehow pry the truck open and kill Ty. Meanwhile Ty tries several tactics to make noise and somehow allert the cops. After getting the car alarm to go off he does succeed in drawing the attention of Officer Eckenhart a cop without a partner who enjoys hot dogs from the same place as Ty and Mike. Unfortunately he gets shot and left for dead but Ty distracts the unit, LEAVES THE TRUCK GETS ECKENHEART AND BRINGS HIM BACK TO THE TRUCK! Ty turns into Chuck Norris as he begins picking off the guys one by one without getting hurt. The Russian man goes to fetch Jimmy(whom the movie wouldn't be possilbe without) as a lure for Ty and he takes the bait willingly. But after setting a booby trap the money explodes and so do the remaining bad guys. Ty, Jimmy and Eckenhart (all the good guys) survive. As Officer Eckenhart lay in the hospital, Ty sits in the waiting room waiting for Jimmy to be relased as well. I was alittle surprised that he wasnt questioned or anything because wether this was his idea or not he was in on it as well. His Boss comes out and tells
Ty that the officer he helped has told everyone how he saved his life and the part that made me laugh out loud was his bosses next line. "theres talk of a reward" Ty smiles and collects Jimmy and goes home. He saves Jimmy. He saved an officer of the law, he held onto his integrity and because of all his good deeds will one day receive a "reward" of some kind and will most likey save his house. So all in all Ty does end up with at least some money. But this secenario is as likey as him ripping off his clothes revealing a blue and red unitard with an S on his chest and flying him and Jimmy home. If were gonna be this far fetched and corny I would rather stick to something along the lines of High School Musical, with a movie like that you know exactly what your getting. Armored used its thick skin and wicked ways to trick us into thinking not only is it an action flick worth watching but that its for adults. Unlike Ty Hackett and his world of make believe I'm not buying it. But maybe my four year old neice would. She is a fan or fairy tales.
movie grade
C
worth watching?
only if you've seen everyother Disney/Pixar movie
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